DAY 66: "Shartasana..."

Author: Heather Molina /

Diarrhea removing pose, the contemplation
of practicing Bikram Yoga in depends and
other things to consider...

by Michelle Zimmer

Since I last posted (Day 45: Valentimes) I have made a few observations about my practice and I feel like sharing. Remember if (when) I get disgusting... don't forget to breathe. If I reach one person and they connect with my story, then it's worth making a few people throw up in their mouths a little bit.

Ok, let's just get the gross out of the way then.

I had an almost scary incident with Pavanamuktasana (usually "Wind Removing" pose). I have always thought of this posture as one of the easier ones for me... Both of my shoulders are down, my spine is flat, my knee is by my ear, strong grip... But,this was only when I would go for the left and right. I am well endowed and because of "the girls," I could not grab my elbows in the third part of the series ("and if you cant grab your elbows, grab your elbows.")

I have lost 30 lbs since I started the challenge, so I decided to go for the elbows. I grab my elbows (albeit creating a Shakespeare in love, bind me like yentyl, cycloptic uni-boob). And then I felt the feeling...

"Oh no...Oh no. Oh shit, don't think shit! Breathe, feeling please go away, please go away!"

...Or something like that. Then I find myself cheating in the pose, and not really going for it.

And that's not the point of this yoga. The point is to progress. To go for it. No fear. So here are some tips I have picked up in the short time since I have begun practicing...

Go out the opposite way you came in. Not a problem! Especially while in tree, I go in correctly and then fall on my ass, every time. So yeah, I go out the opposite way I went in. My teacher says "if you fall out it means your trying something new and going for it." I just hope I am not disturbing the balancing yogis.

Google Bikram. I won't do ANYTHING anymore without Googling it first. If you type "Bikram" into my iGoogle bar, so many bizarre combinations will come up: "magnesium Bikram, chocolate Bikram, diarrhea Bikram, hot eye balls Bikram, period Bikram, sleep Bikram, coconut water Bikram, caffeine Bikram, wicking Bikram, apple cider vinegar Bikram," (I am worse than the Greek dad with windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I'm drinking A.C.V., using it on my skin and cleaning with it!)... And finally "breathe rite Bikram."

I have been getting stuffed up when the room is very humid and I've been having trouble breathing. (I actually blew a baby booger bubble rather than fall out of posture! Screw distractions!) Blowing my nose only seems to make me feel like my fingers are in my ears, congesting me more. I wonder if a breathe-rite strip will help. I will test out my theory and report back.

Michelle lives in New York City and originally hails from the Riverdale section of the Bronx. She is passionate about the food, drink and garden industries. She used to think she might be a "vegetarian with sausage tendencies," but recently realized she is more like a "carnivore with a conscience." She considers herself an "Urban Garden Hoe," as she invests a lot of time volunteering in her neighborhood's community garden. She loves the Yankees and constantly invites people to explore the "northern" part of NYC. "You won't get a nosebleed," she promises.


Judith said...

You are an artist with words. You have painted a portrait of your yoga journey. I can feel your experience as if we were right by your side. You are funny and thoughtful and I look forward to reading more.

Yolk E said...

So glad to hear that Puvanamuktasana can really get you to experience "that feeling!" Sorry it was so unpleasant for you, but I'm glad you were able to grab your elbows! That's great.

The Google thing is too funny. The auto-fill is JUST WRONG sometimes. Just type in "can you get" and see the magic...

Apple Cider Bikram! Now that sounds tasty.

The Missus said...

I wonder what the person was hoping to find when they typed in "apple cider Bikram"?

Prodigal Yogini said...

This post cracked me up! I recently typed in Bikram Yoga Blemish because my chin is breaking out like nobody's business and it's amazing the stuff I found! AND, there's a guy in our studio wearing breathe-rite strips because our yoga teacher didn't "want to hear you breathing all the way across the room!" Rock it Michelle!

micheloquent said...

Those were all of MY crazy searches(& others it seems)I was hoping to find out that drinking water with a couple of teaspoons of A.C.V would magically lock my knee...not so much. But I did find out that people who drink that concoction before meals consume about 3500 less calories a week, have clearer complexions,less allergies, lower blood pressure and less acid reflux( and it makes a tasty vinaigrette)

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